This is all i got today...
Good morning and happy Friday :)
It feels nice to say happy Friday. Not that there haven't been any happy ones, it's just a nice feeling. I'm not sure if it's because it's the first like chill Friday, no handywork appts, civilian clothes kinda day... It feels good.
I missed last Friday. Like legit, spaced it 100%. I've skipped them before, some intentional others accidentally which made for a late post or saturday recovery. But last week, no argument. Felt like over sleeping without the anxiety of realizing that you didn't set the alarm. Rather than laying there in panic, (must have been metaphorically so late HA!) I just rolled with it.
Since the passing of Chas's Mom we've been adjusting as best we can. It may have been an unconscious slip too as her birthday was that following Saturday. To help honor her memory and move forward with our life we've been rearranging the house some.. to make it feel new but not forgotten. That commitment, moving offices so to speak, keeping up with the real estate demands, and the handyman work.. man... last week was almost 20hour days every day all week. I hadn't ran off of 3-4hour night sleeps for a very long time. Rolling in so late and rising before the world brought back old memories of designing hospitals into the late night then driving home for a quick nap, then doing it all over again. If it were a smell, it would have been identical.. Just this time, it was entirely my call - which was motivating.
I can't tell if it's the new environment I'm trying to write in, the derailed routine's trying to work their way back up - hell I have no clue. I have SO much on my mind but don't have the ability to come to words with any of it. I know this and won't force it... so please forgive the figure 8 of my thoughts to paper this morning.
I can see the dust starting to work it's way down. It's been a hell of a 6 month ride in our house, for our family. Relationships have been tightened with those who refused to disappear in our lives. Although very lonely at times, others kept us going - we're grateful for that...
there I go again slipping in thought.. I can feel a rampant rant of thought emerging..
but I have no clarity to words.. so I'm going to stop...
It's Friday! things feel good and that's what I'm going to roll with. :) Things will get better, things will get clearer... a new normal will evolve in the coming time.. just can't force it. The sun is rising, it's a new day, and that's all we can rely on. Best to start that with how we feel and think of ourselves. Our own demons work their way up the more exhausted we feel.. and like being sick, that shit shows up as we lead into the night, bed time. Thank the heavens the sun comes up and scares all them all away.
The sun is creeping up over my neighbors house.. it's an added reminder. Things are going to get better. For now, we'll take it one morning at a time. <3
It was important that I show up today - confused and uncertain all together. Thanks for being there. :)
Avin's Chiefs play against my 49ers.. it'll be a hell of game! I win either way because Joe Montana retired as a Chief... >D ha! :)
Have a grateful and safe superbowl weekend!
-Josh & Chas PS... I didn't proof that shit, so forgive anything pooly smashed together. I drew the line a spelling.. hahah