Bombass German Chocolate Cake!
Good morning yo!
How was your Thanksgiving? Was it "covid compliant" or was it the old fashioned way like Kevin McAlister's family would have been like (kid from home alone) ??
Ours was quiet and chill.
I thought of going against what I said the week prior about not making a post on balck friday and doing one anyway as a simple shoutout for Chas :)
This past Friday 11/27 was Chas's Bifday :)
Her old ass turned 39 for the first time. :) hahah!
A couple years ago I came up with the idea that since Chas's birthday always fell on the Thanksgiving holiday week - or day, that instead of making her a birthday cake on her bday, cause there's already way too many desserts, I would make it on Mothers day.
Thanksgiving this year wasn't a big production. Not that we were being "covid compliant" we just didn't have a lot of family over for TG.. which was totally fine.
Since we were low on the attendance, I said hell with it and made Chas her favorite kinda cake..
German Chocolate. :) But homemade and bombass delicious!
So delicious, that I shared pictures on the social webs and got quite the response.
I figured that I'd break down the recipe in a way that I would like to digest it and share it with a friend, you. :)
Not a Food Network style breakdown kinda way... "Moist chocolate cake, decident and dense, rich with flavor"... "Frosted with super creamy, smooth coconut frosting"... blah blah blah. and only have 3 pictures to work with.
Nope, NOT HERE! :)
How about a recipe that'd be showcased on the FX network, or HBO?! Graphic in detail, one that makes your wince and yell with excitement! Yeah! that's what I'm looking for!
I'm going to show you how to make a legit, bombass, loaded chocolate flavored heavyass pillow fight smash to the face German Chocolate Cake!
The kind that leaves you with a black eye from being hit so hard!
Frosting so thick that you'd swear it's like peanut butter but laced with sweet, sweet crack that gives you a sugar high only a toddler knows!!! followed by a deep coma crash like a bad, oh shit I'm too old for this kinda hangover?!
HOLY CRAP MAN!!
So full of coconut and pecans that you're gonna pick your teeth for hours afterwards like having devoured a massive steak dinner?!
GOOD LORD! ON WITH IT ALREADY... SIGN ME UP!
Bombass German Chocolate Cake Homemade Recipe
Dense'ass, black eye receiving Chocolate Cake Stuff
Tools needed for Cake:
Mixing machine dealy
Or bowl and hand mixer
Two 8" baking pans
Sifter (not shown)
I forgot... was too giddy taking a picture with Jose hahah!
Small cooking pot (not shown)
cause I'm still giddy as shit laughing inside hahah
2 cups all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup cocoa
2 teaspoons baking powder
1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup of boiling water
Hangover worthy German Chocolate Frosting
Tools needed for Frosting: Mixing machine dealy
Or bowl with hand mixer
Large nonstick saucepan
2 cups evaporated milk
2 cups white granulated sugar
6 egg yolks
Beaten to shit with 2 teaspoons of water
1 cup of butter or margarine
2 cups of chopped pecans
can dice up some too for a textural mixture of badassery
2 cups of sweetened flaked coconut
2 tablespoons of cornstarch
How to build this shit
CAKE First: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Second: get a pot of water on the stove to start boiling Third: place butter on the counter near/around the pot to encourage it to get to a room temperature'ish if possible.
Time to combine the dry shit together!
Inside the mixing bowl through a sifter (aint nobody like biting into chunky clods of ingredients so be sure to sift that shit) ADD: flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt - then stir all together until well combined.
Now! Let's get with it and mix this shit together!
Inside bowl of dry ingredients: ADD: milk, vegetable oil, eggs, vanilla extract and mix together at a medium speed until it appears as something you could hide a piece of lego in and no one would know. Now, Reduce the speed to low, and ADD boiling water to the batter A LITTLE BIT AT A TIME.. if not it will look like a kid in a bathtub cannonballing around... Once all the water is mixed in, beat that shit on high for about a minute.
While the batter is getting its ass kicked, wash those filthy hands of yours and sauce up them baking pans!
Take your clean hands and pinch that butter and mash it inside the pans. Don't bitch out on the butter.. not only will it help get the chocolatey cakes out.. it's butter, and that shit is good!
Do this quickly because the batter was mixed with boiling water for a reason Now! evenly distribute the liquid batter into the pans. (picture not taken)... Jose. ;) Put them in the oven and bake that shit for 30-35 minutes. At about 30minutes check the cakes with a toothpick. Poke the cake in the MIDDLE. You'll feel the toothpick penetrate the cake smoothly and come out clean. If it's still batter'y inside, lick toothpick, then put it back in the oven for more time and watch the clock. Once the toothpick is smoothly withdrawn - Let rest for about 10ish minutes.
Time to scalp that shit!
With a large knife, preferably a big ass bread knife
Cut the domed layer of the cake off. This will allow the cake's to stack evenly on top of each other.
Throw the scalped tops in the fridge for a quick pre-game desert later! :)
CAKE IS DONE!
Inside the mixing bowl, not turned on: COMBINE: evaporated milk, cornstarch (sifted) ADD: sugar, egg yolks, vanilla extract, and butter, then stir on low for a hot minute. Make sure the butter is melted or soft or you'll regret it!
The cold butter will act like a shovel tossing shit everywhere! .. the dogs will love it though! Next, Pour the mixed liquid gold into a saucepan and cook on low heat. Stir that shit constantly for about 12-15min as it thickens up and reaches a slow boil.
Once it's at a low boil the parts will appear separated, that's ok though :) It's just ready for the good stuff! Remove from the heat and add the nutty goodness!
ADD: pecans and coconut to the mixture and FOLD until well mixed. This process will help cool and thicken the frosting.
Time to incubate that shit!
Put in the fridge and let cool for an hour or so. Periodically stir the mixture so it cools down evenly.
(we like cheese) ASSEMBLE THAT SHIT!
Now that the cakes have cooled and the frosting is now chilled, it's time to marry these two parts like a match made in heaven! NOTE: Make damn sure it's all cooled... if not, once assembled the heat from the cake and sometimes warm frosting will make an avalanche of a mess a while later... likely a surprise in the fridge. (happened to me when I started making this for her... dude I was pissed!)
Put a small dollop of frosting on a plate or cake holder. This will grip the cake in one spot. Take a spatula dealy thing and start saucing up the top of the first layer of cake. Then add the second. Then USE ALL OF THE FROSTING!
Once fully frosted put in the fridge so it can harden up. We like ours to sit for a day or two. The thick ass layer of frosting will lock in all the moisture of the cake.
Now! Time to eat that shit!!!!!!!!! it's so FREAKING good!
Hahaha! :) that was fun to put together. I almost laughed as much as I did when I made the cake. Although a week has passed since we made the cake, happily we still have some. I fast for most of the day ensuring that I have the calorie bandwidth to consume cake later when i get home.
While I was making this cake, Tristan was at the table working on a real estate project we paid him for. He also had a cool lego dude he made and was like "Dad! check out this balancing act!"
I was compelled to take a picture of it. The blurred background and focus on the dude breakdancing came out really damn cool. Cool enough to be this week's weekly picture :)
Hope that you enjoyed this awesome ass recipe.. forgive the "shit's" it just made for a funny delivery. :) Have a grateful weekend friend. Chas and I are here if you need anything!