Same life, a new chapter - without
Good happy Saturday to you friend :)
Yeah I know, it's Saturday and not Friday.. there are just some days that you need to chill. It was a wild Thursday starting in the office at 5/6AM'ish with office stuff, followed by a handful of handyman jobs thereafter, even a backyard / pool design all the way in Buckeye ending at 5PM.. then driving to the other side of town, rocking my handyman truck and uniform get-up to open a house for some potential buyers. They loved it too! ... got home about 8/830PM and I was hella fried...
Friday AM started off rocky, happened to double book myself that day, didn't realize it until I called a client and let them know I wasn't going to be there today... disappointingly she said nevermind... Turns out it was 1pm and I had told her days before I'd be there about 8/9am... that's not cool. I owned the mess up, agreed with her, apologized and went on my day. You can try as hard as you can, sometimes you're just going to drop a ball now and again.
That's ok... It really comes down to how you respond and learn from it.
Since 1/1/2019 I have done 184 jobs.. all from about 115 customers. [yes, I keep track of that shit HA! >D ] That being my first "thanks but no thanks" response... it stings no doubt.. but I need to understand that sometimes things happen.
So, I dusted off, and am going to work like a mother to not have that happen again. :) that's why I'm sending you this Grateful Message this Saturday afternoon and not yesterday. Who knows how that Grateful Message woulda come out?!? :) haha
Have you ever watched a TV show that you followed for a long time and in one episode they repeat episodes internally?... Seinfeld and the Simpsons come to mind. They're all sitting around "new content" and are like "remember when" then show the bit from an old episode? so on and so forth?? That always bothers me.. like dude! I can see you're being lazy, man!.. maybe that's just me though. I mean, who else thinks of crap like that?!.. haha
As of this morning I have published and shipped 166 Grateful Messages consecutively for every week since. Of all those messages I have not done a repeat episode before. However, this message seems fitting for a repeat - especially given the significance of the weekend - Mothers Day.
Last January, 2019, Chas's Mom, my second Mom, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. She put up a hell of a fight and held on for almost an exact full year. She ultimately succumbed to the battle and passed away in our home just after New Years 2020; Heaven has a new angel. It wasn't an easy road, especially for Chas as she held her in her arms as Mom took her final breath on this earth.
Five months later we still mourn and miss her daily. Days get better with each day.. but like I mentioned above, you'll get knocked down now and again.. then again and again. Some days you'll be laying there mustering the energy to get up.. sometimes it's on your knees crawling forward.. the life, exhaustion, mental trauma are like rocks in the dirt digging into the kneecaps... they hurt, but you're moving forward. That's all you can do... as much as it hurts.
To help my precious bride ease away from the trauma of that day I had these special bracelets made in honor of her Mom. I made these so she can, we can, remember the things that always made us laugh about her.
If you knew Dale, or heard her get on a rant she'd mentally buffer in conversation just like a bad WI-FI.... hahah.. much like the spinning wheel, hourglass turing, you know what I'm talking about... hahah, the way she would get mental traction from the buffer... she'd repeat "and, and, and, and".. but with a quicker roll.. it sounded more like "N, N, N, N, N" when those playfully impersonate her, you can't help but laugh at it. haha! :)
And the doosey... "knowledge spelt with an N rather than a K"
When I was a Freshman in highschool I was fortunate enough to be in Honors English... at some point in my lack of thinking I got up and approached the teacher as she was quietly working. I was hella stumped on a word and it was really affecting me moving on to the next word. I walked up to here and pointed at the word. "Excuse me, what's this word?... ho-nors" .. I'm sorry what? "Right here, ho-nors. It's not making sense to me"... With a squint in her eye looking up to me like you dumb ass, "what?!" ...
"This word, oh... HHHONNORRS... "honors".. haha I'm sorry, never mind"
I was a total dumb ass! hahah .. I still laugh at it! hahah Yes... I was in "honors english"... as my family now says when they're messing with me is "ho-ners english".. hahah! Thankfully the teacher didn't crusicy me any. It woulda been hella funny! hah! I tell you that story because Miss Dale (as I called her then)... was graduating a CNA class and was in front of the attendees. She was thanking everyone and proceeded to [I'm paraphrasing here] but, started to read an acrostic poem... (a poem as a word that has other words for each letter).. In front of everyone in a sweet Miss Dale spirited voice starts acrosticating her last name, "Noel"... "N is for knowledge, O is for, E is for, L is for"... I can't remember anything after N was for knowledge. hahah! She delivered it in such an absent minded state, completely spaced it at delivery and just kept rolling with it. Quietly it was hilarious... and forever thereafter, N was always for Knowledge... just like I was in "ho-nors english" So.. what a better way to remember the fun memories, I had the wristbands made as such. :) I am happy to report, I have NEVER had a wristband fit my wrist - EVER... thankfully my left wrist is smaller than the right and it fits nicely. I enjoy seeing the memories that make me laugh. :)
Last Mothers Day as Miss Dale was struggling with the reality and finality of pancreatic cancer I wanted to do something that no one else could do, but me. I was hoping to make her feel special in a way I had never done before. Transparently and vulnerably so, I called her "Mom" for the first time. Given the significance of tomorrow, Sunday, May 10th, Mother's Day 2020, our book of life continues, but a new chapter starts, without Mom. As I mentioned at the beginning of how repeating an episode within a new episode always bothered me.. today I take a road not traveled for me. In a commemorative and memorable effort to honor someone special, I share with you last years Mother's Day post, Grateful Message #119
Happy Friday dear friend :) While life's second hand ticks by, as the sand falls from your life's hourglass, I hope you're disciplined enough to pay attention. Sometimes you will hear the passing ticks... Sometimes you will see each grain of sand fall and tumble... and sometimes there are ones you can't see or hear... those seconds you will feel. If you're intentional, your perspective on things will evolve. With that experience and wisdom, I hope you have the courage to make a change. When I rest at night, I like to think that I'm paying attention. As we step into Mothers day weekend I cannot help but feel these seconds.. I reflect on the 18-19 years or so with my bride. I wonder how many of those seconds slipped by, how many were intentional, how many were repressed, and... I'm not sure??... but there's likely a shit load of all of them. Recounting the seconds as best I can, I should have called Chas's mom, mom, sooner. All the seconds of time have passed thus far.. and I never called her mom.
I should have.
I should have called you mom, sooner.
When the seconds of our life started, you called me son... I should have called you mom, sooner.
You have always been unconditionally loving to me - so much so, I could do no wrong... I should have called you mom, sooner
When I asked for your only daughter's hand, you said yes.... I should have called you mom, sooner.
In doing so, you handed me the faith and well being of her into my hands, into my choices of life, and onto my shoulders to support... I should have called you mom, sooner.
You've been so damn loving to my precious boys... I should have called you mom, sooner.
Even though you live states away, you are present with them... I should have called you mom, sooner. Although I've not called on you for help, I know you would have moved the heavens to have done so... I should have called you mom, sooner. If I could turn back the clock to give it another go, I would... and I would have called you mom sooner. While the sands of time pass through the hourglass of life, for the seconds of this moment.. I will call you mom, today. As the sand pile billows for days, months, and years to come.. I will call you mom, tomorrow.
The undeniable reality of sand is that there is only so much for each of us.
It's finite... Someday, a long time from now, when your last grain of sand passes... I will call you mom until there is no more sand for me.
Happy mothers day, Mom. -Josh
Rest in peace Miss Dale, Nanna, Mom <3 I felt that today's #167th weekly picture would be similar to #119... but a glimpse to the past... like a good memory of someone. :) For Mom <3