It's evening time, the sun is fading away as it slips behind the mountains. There's an orangey purple hue painted across the sky giving the sunset a yellow-like overcast filter. So much so that the vibe begs pause to witness the specialness of the light.
It's a comfortable temperature outside allowing small children to run and play amongst themselves while pockets of random people are sprinkled abound, congregating amongst themselves without urgency to leave. It's bustling with people like that of a wedding as the attire is formal, but casual. But it's not a wedding. The environment is respectfully quiet and somber mixed with the energy of a family reunion. But it's not a family reunion.
This is my funeral.
In a large building filled with many people will gather to celebrate the life I once lived. There will be many in there who I've loved and known for years. There will be family of all ages, colleagues from multiple industries and many others who I didn't know personally, but knew me enough to show their respects.
At center stage is a picture of me. I will be surrounded by flowers, wooden crafts and expired tools. Dark-like-meditative cello music will be playing in the background as attendees work their way into the auditorium. On the perimeter walls, projection screens will showcase a montage of family photos of my life. Throughout the slideshow it will have pictures I have taken, countless projects I have built, people I have touched... all memorializing decades of a life well lived.
Looking down from the heavens above I will be there to witness this. Father Time is sitting by my side with a gentle but firm hand on the grasp on the reality of things..
"There's no going back, Josh"
Not saying a word, I nod at him and focus on the happenings below.
For many, this is a haunting reminder of the inevitable future that all living beings must eventually face. Just as we had no choice in being born - life's greatest lottery - we have no choice in living forever, for that too is beyond our control.
This is not a morbid topic, nor one that beckons opinion arguments. It is, in a very real way, a matter of fact.
The likelihood of being born is mathematically 1 : 400,000,000,000,000. That's one in four hundred quadrillion... that's quadrillion with a Q. that ratio is a chance.
The likelihood of passing away is 1 : 1. Mathematically, that is 100%... that ratio is a fact.
The only variable in this unsettling equation is how many seconds we're blessed with. Father Time has a ticking clock on each living being. Love him or hate him, he's part of the universe's clean up crew. Thankfully Mother Nature has granted us the ability to utilize those seconds in a manner upon our own choosing.
As difficult as this is to say, as challenging as it is to muster the courage to put into words, that ticking clock is my motivator of intentionality and grounding. Rather than being motivated by goals, achievements and the like, I am choosing to focus on the end of the line for living while knowing there are goals and achievements worth pursuing.
It is my gosh damn hope that my last breath is many, many decades into the future. Having said that, the privilege of life comes with the fine print of inevitability. We just don't know when it's up.
This kind of motivated-life-philosophy isn't an easy one to lean into, but it makes living that much richer. It changes how you value time. It changes how you engage with people. It changes how you talk to your children when needing to wear the frustrated parent hat. It changes how you respond to the pink slip the company gives you. It changes how you love and truly value your spouse. It changes how you engage with a stranger. It changes how you hurt, love, how you feel.
It changes, everything.
I've always struggled with the discipline of writing down my goals. I understand its purpose, the power of writing down one's desires and wishes. However, I have always had a clearer image of what it is that I don't want that allows me to slip into/maintain where I am headed, where I want to go.
Nothing seems nearly as powerful as writing down the words of how you, yourself, want to be remembered when you are no longer here.
For me, it's dying on empty.
When I'm gone and passed away I am haunted by the thought of being visited by all the ideas and possibilities that I was gifted, yet never did anything with.
Should I meet the creator, God, whomever, and when they say "this is who I intended you to become" - it is my want to have exceeded their expectations.
Likely one of my greatest joys of being a good human was sharing my thoughts and admiration to my dear friend Jon. He had no more living family and was dying - effectively alone. In one of my Friday posts I got to write Jon's eulogy while he still had his wits about him. He was able to read lasting words about how someone saw his life before being called away to sleep forever.
"Oh Josh!!
I don’t know what to say, but this quote from today’s blog says it better than I.
“*I'm welled up and sniffy as I write this.” THANK YOU.
Thank you for writing it now instead of waiting until after I am gone.
Jon"
Like a leaf falling from the tree top above. Twirling and spinning with grace, softly landing on the blades of grass below, Jon would pass away quietly in his sleep a little more than 45 days after that post. I miss my friend.
In the spirit of positivity, for a purpose of motivation for the good, a purpose of motivation when things are demanding of my human spirit, I take the courageous plunge and write my eulogy to be used as my personal north star.
Dying on Empty | The Eulogy of Josh Brill
by Jason Brady
Thank you all for coming... Wow, Josh would be so moved to see everyone here... thank you again.
Hi, my name is Jason Brady.
Josh's sweet bride, Chas, asked that I say a few words about him today.
As I look down from here I can see his Family up in front. Next to Chas, are their two boys, Avin & Tristan and their families along with the grandchildren and great grandchildren. Seeing how many people came here today not only warms my heart, but I know it makes the front row feel very special.
Not many know me, some may have heard of me, but if you spent any time with Josh, you have already met me. One could say that he and I were the same person, however he and I were two different people who relied on one another throughout his life.
If any of you knew Josh the way I did, there'd be no missing his famous one liner he adopted from his GP...
"Well, if I had it do over again..."
The audience laughs. Chas, giggles in support while brushing away a fallen tear in sorrow. Avin and Tristan by her side with her in the middle living in that moment.
Knowing what I know of him, I think Josh would be happy with how his life turned out.
He will always be remembered as the most grateful person I ever knew. He was deeply talented in more areas he gave himself credit for. His famous saying of "had I had it do over again" shows how humbly average he saw himself. Humble to the core, authentic as the sky is blue.
Josh lived his life with a relentless dedication to creating things and striving to be his best. He cared more than many, and showed it in every interaction project and moment. He had an infectious spirit about him, one that could light up a room and easily be the center of attention. Or he'd be known to seek solitude by having lunch alone to nothing more than his thoughts. But do not bring the man to a karaoke bar or ask him to dance or act. The giant in him would erode into a preschooler on the first day of school.
hahaha!
Josh was not a spiritual man, but was unconditionally-spiritual without question. He believed that the words we give breath to are given power. Same goes for the energy you give to the world. You receive what you give.. and boy was he a giver. Known to leave considerably large and surprising tips to random strangers. Giving to others was very meaningful to my friend.
The man did only have two speeds!. On or off. There was no real in between his commitments. And Lord the man hated rules! hahah! If there were ever a maverick who didn't like complying with how things were supposed to be done... he saw them more as guidelines, or suggestions. Wouldn't be uncommon to drive through a stop sign (in a parking lot) just to irritate Chas... "was just a suggestion"
hahaha!
He had the gift of confidence to rewrite the narrative for the betterment of the outcome. Josh was going to figure it out even without all the parts. When he did it, it was executed as if he had been doing it forever. The story of his first big water feature is one that I will always remember. The commitment to design, build, and solve serious mechanical problems while having zero experience in it, all the while pulling it off like a true professional.
He often said that he genuinely believed that he could have become whoever he wanted to. A lawyer, doctor, mechanic, electrician, military or first responder - anything he said. In his adult years he found himself, and when he did - world, watch out!
Josh was an average person with many normal challenges we all face. As a child he struggled greatly with reading and comprehension. Was held back from kindergarten because the teacher said he was too ADHD. In his later years he found a way to use his ADHD to his advantage. At one point he held his Real Estate License, Life Insurance License, and his Contractors License simultaneously. In light of his reading challenges, he eventually was able to read and comprehend complicated word questions, even authored and published a number of books.
Finding himself really allowed his reach of interest to explode. His larger challenge throughout life was deciding what he wanted to become or do. The many talents he had at his innate disposal made his thirst for life huge. No consideration for risk, he was willing to do just about anything. Thanks to the unbelievable support from his little family, he was able to accomplish so much. He would find a way to use that ADHD to his advantage by taking the road less traveled, making life and his impact all his own.
One of his long harbored regrets was that he did not serve in the military. He would have loved to be buried under an American Flag, he'd say. But he understood that his call for service was in serving those who already gave so much.
Second to building cool shit, his real love was teaching. If there was a time you had a question about something, there was little holding him back... oftentimes over teaching. He loved teaching his boys things. There was a time when one of them couldn't un-do, or fix something. They brought it to him and Josh fixed it, took it apart and did it again. He'd ask the boys if that made sense. As soon as they said yes, he'd undo/break it and hand it to them and say, now you try it. He got huge joy out of them rolling their eyes in playful frustration when he'd hand it back to them.
There are many stories he's shared about the unexpected outcome of his blog. The words he would write for himself would find themselves in the hearts of some of his readers. People found their own confidence in themselves and would change their lives. Whether it be relational, personal, or seeking a different career. These were the quiet takeaways Josh thrived on when life became challenging.
Josh deeply loved his family. He was the oldest of six, the oldest grandchild, oldest nephew to his parents siblings, he was a natural born leader. He didn't mind being at the center of leadership attention as much as he enjoyed being the leader in the trenches with everyone else. He liked being the one who could call the General by his first name when others could not, but owned accountability as if he were in command.
Had he and Chas been able to have more children they would have. At one time he couldn't see himself loving more than just one, but in the future, he said he could have had four kids!
The crowd laughs!
So instead, they sought in loving animals. Although Josh was a large ass, tall tattooed dude, the man had a soft spot for life. Unexpectedly to most, he was a cat dude. Known to take random pictures of the cats when they'd sit in his lap. Such a dork! :)
Hahaha!
Being a father to boys was one of his greatest joys. He felt that he had treated the lady's so well that God blessed him with boys rather than be punished with girls needing to learn his lessons of treatment. hahha.
He took fatherhood very seriously. He'd be known to stop work to go play catch, or solve a problem for his boys. He thrived in supporting his boy's interests - always suggesting more and different ways of doing things that interested them. Inspired by his GP, Josh understood what it means, what it meant to leave a legacy within.
A legacy is the closest thing we have to immortality. In our passing, our teaching's live on in others - therefore we live on too.
As I look down and see the faces of all of his children, his children's children, and theirs too, I can see the lasting impact of the legacy that Josh wanted to leave.
If you were ever privileged to follow Josh's blog, Grateful Man, or read his books, he would always end the post saying to have a "Grateful Weekend", oftentimes followed by "we're here to help if you need anything".
There was something about that grateful and selfless tattoo that deepened his authenticity and vulnerability to life... all of which increased his reach on caring for others, and caring to do a good job.
Josh forever left an impression on me that made me want to be a better person. I can only hope that upon his looking down on us today that he too is proud of the life he lived.
He was truly a grateful man.
One who humbly leveraged his gifts, while authentically serving as many people as he could.
He was a damn güd human with a selfless spirit.
We miss you Josh.
Rest in peace good buddy.
If one ever thought that structuring a Will or Living Trust was casting spiritually damning stones, try writing your eulogy?!
Being realistic however, we know not of the future and must plan for it everyday. I felt liberation in writing this. Far more emotionally controlled but more vivid in a way I didn't anticipate. I genuinely missed myself after rereading it. For me, I will take that as an intentional win.
Lots of thought went into the preparation of this. I have been anticipating this post for over a year now. Spiritually speaking, it was time.
I hope that you can find the strength to live each day like it's your last. Beyond partying your ass off, if you intellectualize it, it's far more realistically motivating to be yourself everyday while allowing grace for yours and others shortcomings.
Have a grateful weekend friend!
Chas and I are here if you need anything.
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