Damnit man!
Like shit!!
Damnit!
Today is the closing of my first ever, eight week sabbatical. Months ago I made the difficult decision to take time off, no matter the cost, so I could focus on professional and personal development.
My brain is talking here:
Considering the content I have been able to emotionally get out over this eight week period, I'm very irritated at myself. I have been sitting here since LEGIT 11am writing and while pondering thoughts.
Suddenly I made the difficult decision to NOT publish that post.
I'm hella frustrated!
Largely because it has taken me over 4.5 hours to come to that conclusion!
UGH!!!
Stephen King made the comment about being a great writer, requires that sometimes you have to kill your darlings.
(I am not suggesting that I am a great writer either)
Kill your darlings means: There will be times you've written a beautiful piece. Or commit an ass ton of time to, but then, to keep the integrity of what you are writing, sometimes you need to toss that shit in the garbage and move on. (I'm totally paraphrasing, but that's the jist)
Fuck!
This is one of them for me..
But it was the right call. I could feel that I was forcing a round peg in the square hole. I am not seeking perfection... although my thoughts were well structured, it was forced poorly timed content... and at the end, as difficult as it was to tell myself. I had to say no. I won't be publishing that.
Like seeing a kid try too hard to fit in... someday when I re-read this, I will think to myself, yeah dude, you tried too hard on that one.
This is one of them.
After a little more than 47 days off from not wearing my tools and telling 85 customers I could not serve them, I was hoping for more.
Insert an anticlimactic closing....
I am preparing to go back to work on 8/1 - at the same time our boys go back to school. With as dialed in of my recent 8 posts have been, I had higher expectations of myself. Especially considering the undertaking of saying no 85 times required of me.
- shit was not easy!
But!
There is a cost to being authentic. I needed to be comfortable with sharing good thoughts, and what I spent 4.5hrs putting together did not feel right.
Someday when the moment is better, I will revisit this "mental conundrum" again.
Until then, I'm wishing a buddy a grateful Friday. :)
It has now taken 4.5hrs, a week's worth of wandering thoughts, and .75hrs to rewrite this to tell you this is not what I planned.
Cheers to articulate-authentic-integrity (I needed to say that to make myself feel better about the wasted time) loL!
Have a grateful weekend!
PS. the pic reminds me of nothing but hot air! hahahh! perfect!
