Good morning this morning!
Everyday the world gets begrudgingly smaller... When this happens the world also wants just a little more from you.
This is exhausting.
Being a people pleaser myself, one who struggles immensely saying no to others, these demands sneak up on me like a fever during the summer... that's the stupidest time for a fever!
When I get this kind of shit fever, I'm no good to anyone, especially myself.
Like a balloon ready to explode, you've got to let out that air. The fallout of the eruption (pain, anger, sadness, exhaustion, _______) creates collateral damage that doesn't end with a laugh.
It's a surprise that's that hard to recover from. Largely because those who are around you are anticipating the next balloon to pop... and I don't care who you are, no one likes that shit.
Afterwards you have to recover yourself and potentially days later you are still picking up balloon fragments - sometimes in places you would never have thought.
So goes one losing their shit.
Or maybe you don't pop.. (this is me) which is socially less terrifying. But afterwards it's obvious to those closest to you, especially yourself, that your balloon cannot hold the air that it used to. So you back off never reaching your fullest potential of ________.
Again. No good comes from that.
To dial back the pressure, the voice in my head, Jason Brady, has encouraged me to look at things differently. When the world wants your everything, see your everything as a gift.
See these everything's as the kind of gift that when you were younger going to school to bring an extra cupcake or a piece of pizza to be shared with a friend; see yourself as that kind of gift.
You have to feel it in a way that when the teacher asks "Jason, did you bring enough to share with everyone?"
your unconscious is saying:
Now why the shit would I do that?
I don't even like half the kids in here... why would I share this with everyone?..
My mom made these cupcakes!... My dad brought me this pizza to school for me!..
No, I do not have enough, this is for me and my buddy!
Instead, you sit there with a stupid look on your face, and say "I don't know"..
Although this would make for a hell of a hilarious TikTock video! hahahh! it would be unwise to respond in this manner. You still need to be a kind human. But being a kind human does not require that you share your cupcake of pizza with everyone though.
There is only so much time.
You only have so much treasure.
Your talents were given to you specifically from the universe.. this does not entitle the world to use them.
Share the gift of you with those who you'd sit at the lunch table with and no one else. Don't apologize for it; it's okay.
And if you're like me, you sometimes want to sit at the table with no one other than yourself; and that's okay too.
This doesn't mean you're lonely or selfish. This doesn't mean that you won't pick up someone's fallen napkin, or say thank you when someone opens the door for you.
Be that good human, but save the Gift of You for those that are worth it.
The first step for me was adjusting my personal social network down to a level that felt smaller.. which in turn, made my world a little bigger.
Just that small step has helped me out a lot. It gave me the capacity in my balloon for more of what I really want... while simultaneously filling up my courage bar to make those next steps. :)
If you find yourself in a similar spot.... let the air out, save your Gifts ;)
Have a grateful Sunday! :)