• Josh :) grateful

just kinda... well, fried...

Good morning :)


Would it surprise you if I told you that I went to bed near midnight, tossed and turned all night, forced myself to get up at 5A - even though I knew I would be fried - (I've shown little discipline this week; disappointing)  AND have sat here at my computer for near two hours spinning my wheels on something to say??...


Well, yeah, that's me this morning.  Shit, I can barely spell anything right now as that damn red squiggle rides on almost every other word I write. >D  I'm not sure if it's that I've been working north of 100hrs a week between the GUD stuff and Real Estate for the last couple months and I'm finally coming down from all the efforts?  I have not a clue.  


I do know (Chas will agree) that I'm notorious for just killing it endlessly, day after day for weeks and months on end and once I cross that metaphoric finish-line I realize that my tires gone, the suspension is trashed, I'm flat out of motor oil, and I've bent the steering wheel... pretty much the entire vehicle is nothing more than a giant block of metal and is need of significant repair.  haha! That is very much how I feel right now.  >D

The beginning of the year was met with immense vulnerability and uncertainty.  Now, 6.5 months later, I have ran so hard that the ball I was turning, the flywheel that I was grinding against is now no longer a circular sphere... the momentum has misshapen the sphere to that of lemon on its side and the flywheel... well.. I lack the playful words for that description. >D


Thankfully it will only be a short time needed before I'm fully recovered.  Me an my inner voice are on the same page  and I believe I was able to sustain this expectation of me for the half year now simply because of that.  I have found that when me and myself are not speaking correctly the rebuilding/repair process is far harder. There are still things that still need to get done, but! the metaphoric last push of this task driven 6.5 month expedition has been spun... So for right now I'm maintaining the momentum as I wide'r down to a manageable speed so I don't crash and burn like time's past.

The best thing for me this morning was to not fight the instinct to just call it a super short post and be done with it... it was spiritually wiser for me to let you know what I'm feeling.  The war path we're on takes us to places we cannot recognize.  At times when we raise our head we may not know where the hell we are... but, if you look closer, this place IS on the map and we're supposed to go through it.  


Although quiet, desolate, exhausting, the road ahead is going to places we will recognize later... for now, we just need to keep after it and not lose ourselves in our intentional efforts. :)


Until next Friday friend, have a grateful weekend. <3



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