• Josh :) grateful

I would die for them...

Good morning friend :)


Holy cow summer finally showed up!! Like an employee late for work and does nothing more than spending the remaining 6 hours of their day making up for their absence... at least that's what mother nature is telling me! oofta! 


Well if you haven't seen all the advertising out there... Fathers day is this Sunday! >D

As a Father one of my favorite things to do is watch my life sleep before me... unbeknownst to them, I'm watching... I'm absorbing those precious moments and holding on to them.  When life gets shitty, when life gets stressful, when life gets... well, life-like... All I need to do is wait long enough and I'll be the last one mentally present.


It's taken a couple years to know what being a Father means.  Although I did not cry when both boys were born, (shit was stressful!) I have cried at the stupid, silly, joyful things they do.  Over this time I have tried to take the role of being a Father intentionally.  It's a unique roll.  I think the TV commercials and society make dads to look like total ass-hats... they have no clue what's going on, thank the heavens for mom cause she has everything under control, why the hell did she marry this person??... if you look closely, it's not hard to see how that's put together.   Or... and this is more likely... I just over process the marketing message they're conveying and see it as a joke of reality... but that's me. hahaha I believe being a Father is a choice and not an entitled birth right... I'm not sure if it's the slight old fashioned person in me or not, however, I think the only birth right that comes with breading children it is that you are entitled to take the first go at it before anyone else can.  What you do with that responsibility is entirely your call.   Thankfully my precious bride sees it through a similar light as I.. In our house, Chas has been a stay at home mom since before Avin was born... having lost her job at an OBGYN clinic after finding out she was pregnant... weird.. right?!  thereafter she'd lose another job due to pregnancy complications.... unprovokingly, the universe has put me in the spot to provide to survive..  that's more than just the monetary side of things.



When we're out of milk, or need medicine, you're the one to go get it. When your wife is stressed about running the household in your absence of providing, you're supposed to stop, listen, support, and even cry with. When she's made a bomb ass dinner, your supposed to help clean up after You're supposed to treat her with shared and equal respect, to lead and teach your kids how to engage with someone who's chosen to burden themselves with the same responsibility of love that you do for them. When the kids are assholes to her, you're supposed to defend and redirect and sometimes lay down the law... but! when mom is out of line or doesn't see things through a certain light, it is also your responsibility to step in, redirect, and defend them if needed.  It's a stressful dichotomy, but sometimes necessary. Whether it's a situation with a sibling(s), another family member, a teacher, a someone or something.. You're supposed to step in when she's exhausted, needs a hand, backup, or just shared support.. you're supposed to.


​You're supposed to stop what you're doing and go play with them, for them, about them... You're supposed to throw the ball - even when there is other shit that needs to get done... you throw the ball.  When there's a big ass spider in the house, you're the one to kill it... at the same time when the hard decisions come up to take care of the family pet, you're in the role burdened to follow through. 



When the bike is broken, you're the one to fix it... to make it cool and piss off the neighbors you're supposed to Macgiever a piece of metal to the wheel so it clicks with creative-obnoxious- excitement! You're supposed to wrestle with them... but you're also supposed to loose to them as well. You're there to teach them how to do different things... but show them, lead them through the process.



​or let them use their little hands... because they can... or that you're going to lose your shit if this damn bolt won't stick!! ;)



if you want to cook like your mom does, this is how you do it... fold, not stir.



As much as it's important to show how to do things, be strong, push through adversity, provide, work, don't complain... I believe that you are to be vulnerable just as much as you are strong.   You are supposed to emotionally be there, or be emotional for them, about them and not hide behind the vale of strength.


I believe that a being a Father is a choice.   I know I am not perfect what so ever... I know I fuss hard, have high expectations, get a little over the top, not as graceful as I could be, I fail, I fail, I fail... but! I know I wouldn't get anywhere without at least trying... so..  I am going to choose to at least try.. and keep at it.  I work very hard on managing the words I say and when I have those shortcoming I focus on my actions.. I rely on my actions to keep me going.  I believe the words will be forgotten but the feelings of my actions of what I decide to do with that fatherly responsibility will have a lasting impact, forever.  Sometimes those actions are needing to let go... as our boys get older I see how important that is.  They are becoming their own people.  Sometimes as difficult as it is to let go, if it's an opportunity to let them learn, be them, or that it's what makes them happy... you have to let go.  But I get through it by being there and ready to catch them, lead them if it goes the wrong way. I believe Fathering goes beyond blood.. I believe you are to show your kids that other children are worth the same compassion, love, and care as they are.


When it's after midnight and you're getting home from work, you tuck your babies in... pick them up from your side of the bed, the side that they've just peed in.. place them on the twin bed beside yours... go to the bathroom and pick up a towel.. cover the wet soaked area, reluctantly lay down, all to wake up before the alarm, before their sleepy heads even know you're even there and get back after it...  because, you're supposed to. When it's after midnight and you can hear a sound outside.... it's your job to go check on it and make it safe... because, you're supposed to. When it's after midnight and if the front door is kicked in and held at gunpoint... the intruder says you all can live if one dies... you choose to put your life on the line.. not because you want to die for your family, no, you're prepared to die for you family. because, you're supposed to. I would die for them.

Some people believe a happy Fathers day is only welcomed or to be given to one's only Father... I full heartily disagree.  I believe that any Father, soon to be Father, step-in-Father, Grand Father... any Man who has sworn the unspoken oath to give ones life for their children or family.  I believe those men are deservant of such appreciation. That is what being a Father means to me.   I appreciate you allowing me to be so transparent, so vulnerable, about my life.  It means a lot to me that I can do this... so thank you <3 I think this picture is of a family out on Fathers day, chill'n in a canoe together.. leading, teaching, sharing and loving... (I've never been canoeing btw) haha! 


Have a grateful fathers day weekend! :)


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