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Willfully struggle~

Good Friday morning :)

I remember when I was a new adult eating lunch with my work buddies.. I was undoubtedly the youngest one (maybe 23) as all of them were the in-charge types of the jobsite.  I can't recall where the conversation came from but I was talking about the future... I was on some diatribe about life... I said I don't want to wake up 20-30 years from now, look around, be 20-30lbs over weight, have 3 kids and no clue where they came from and wonder, holy shit?! what the hell happened?... where did life go? where did the time go?...

I swear, it must have been a scene out of a movie... three of the guys stopped eating, mouth half full, looked down at 20-30lbs, then at each other, then at me at the end of the table... "what the hell are you getting at..... asshole?!" >D  HAHA! it was a riot.  They all received the youthful comment well, but felt the reality of what I was saying but knew I was not talking about them specifically. 

Now.. as I near that 20ish year mark, (still got another 5 or so) but none the less, I have way more life under my belt than I did at that time and often recall that moment.  Life at that time was wrought with struggle, but fun.

Was there ever a time in your life where you looked back and thought to yourself how much simpler the time was - but you were still happy?

If you recall deeper in that moment of time, can you see a struggle?  Even though the time may have been hell on your life, there was an element of embracing that suck that gave you motivation, made you feel alive.  Although my 20's was a shit show of a mess... there were struggles that were willfully met as I was trying to make a new life for myself and little family.

Where are you today? 

Do you look back and think, man... what the hell happened?  Today life can feel so stressful, so out of control, the happiness and joy sucked out... like what the hell man?!... what does your struggle look like?.. do you have a struggle?

This past year was an incredible year for Chas and I... but a different kind of stress came with that.  I remember sitting with a good buddy talking about how overwhelmed I felt.. how almost fed up with where I was, but I had ZERO reason to feel that way.  My motivation was lacked, yes there was work, but there was comfort everywhere.  In the wisdom of my dear friend he said something that would forever stick with me...(btw.... my buddy has known me since my early 20's and has watched me grow in life.. he's always provided wisdom through the lens of a much older brother.. and I love him dearly)

He said, "you've lived your life so uncomfortably you don't know how to live being comfortable.... now here you are and this doesn't feel right to you"....

man.. epic shit.

Looking back now, he couldn't be more right... it's also mixed with one other thing I never knew I would say... it was fear.. fear of success.  I had hit a pinnacle in my life that felt wrong on so many levels, but it was my effort that brought us here.... however there was doubt and fear of sustaining that... not like pressure to do so and keep up... in reality I had closed my eyes and just showed up... and that scared me..

That fear made me take my foot off the gas... I've talked about this before that I had second thoughts about real estate due to a gambit of other things... I coasted... I stopped lead generating, I stopped getting after it.  Football started with Avin and we rode that for sometime... I would stir the pot now and again, but the effort was gone.  Holidays showed.. subtle stir here and there... 

Suddenly I felt like a Cricket who played all summer and didn't work.. meanwhile the Ants were working through the summer, preparing, being disciplined and intentional... Winter was coming.. and I was not ready.  Winter came... and so did the struggle.. I had gotten that metaphoric rock to the top of the hill and stopped... life found a way and I kicked that bitch down the hill not knowingly.  And like a boulder from hell... it carved its way down that mountain destroying all in it's path.

"you've lived your life so uncomfortably you don't know how to live being comfortable"


was I uncomfortable.

It was like a spiritual reboot that the universe knew I needed.  Laying in the carnage of my own mess, the dirt and git in my mouth, the sting in my eyes, a high pitch ring in my ear as if a bomb went off... clarity came from that. I was scared of the possibilities I had worked for.. so in that fear... I stopped... I no longer looked for a struggle, I got complacent, I got lazy... I was comfortable.

Today... almost 6 months since that harsh reality... I'm fighting through my struggle... and as strange as it may sound... I feel so, so alive!... I took a small step and changed my diet.. forced the discipline to keep to a path.... once that felt like routine, I adopted another thing and another.. from the struggle of life, I started the GUD stuff.  Like an angel from heaven, it gave me the small hit of dopamine I needed on a regular basis... the grinding started, the rebuilding of purpose started, the clean up from that damn boulder happened... purpose was forged, identity was found, habits changed, focus of life crystallized... not the focus like I'm going this way and you're with me or I'm going through you.. I don't get a long with those kinds of people... more like what a wide lens on a camera does...  my range of perspective is broad.. going beyond my self.

back to pushing that rock!.. but not the same path this time... a new one... an intentional one.  beside it.. so when I feel like quitting, I can look and remind myself to stay on the path.

While I'm fixing a sink, hanging a ceiling fan, framing a wall... I'm thinking of real estate, my team, my people.. while I'm rocking real estate, I'm thinking about how to fit the ceiling fan install request into my day.. but having the discipline to stay the course.. Driving in between I'm thinking about life and the fundamental purpose it provides me and others whom I care about...

Grind, grind... all motivated by having intentionally found a struggle and embracing that struggle.. failing at managing my time, doing new things I've never done, doing things I've done before but better... scratching, clawing, embracing the suck but loving every moment of it.  Now at the end of a hard days work... I'm gassed... I'm shot.  But I rest easy and sleep soundly.

We all want a life where we can make enough money, buy the things we want, give the time and money we want, have our kids and family healthy.. we ALL want that... but life is gonna show up and kick you in the face.. no questions asked, that's going to happen.. it's going to cause a struggle... so rather than wait for a struggle... pick one... willfully pick a struggle...manage that struggle.. put that bitch in it's place... stand at the top of the mountain, aim that rock and push it again.... hell, beat that rock to the bottom of the hill... aim that rock and get to pushing again... willfully struggle.  When life throws a struggle at you, you'll be better prepared psychologically.

If you're not uncomfortable, you're not learning.  The life lessons will never stop... so stay uncomfortable.. get to push'n! 

If you need help talking about your struggles or just need a buddy to rant or be vulnerable to, this is a safe place.  We got you. <3

Have a grateful Friday friend! :)

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