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reflection of one's self...

Good morning wonderful person :)

Was your New Years day/week enjoyable?  It's amazing the tempo and vibe change from the week prior.  There's always so much visual and mental noise leading up to Christmas and as soon as it's passed... silence.  Then days after we're in a chill Christmas hangover followed by a week of getting the last jitters out, burning hot before New Years, all to put our game faces on for the new year.. followed by a legit hangover.

In my life before real estate, the corporate world, weeks and days leading up to the end of the year would kick into total half ass work week.  Most of upper management would take a few weeks off, the work force would kinda kick it in neutral and ride out the last of the year.  At least that is how it felt.  For years I would cash in my time and be gone for 2-3 weeks and start the new year fresh.

Where I am today, self employed.. 



My kids are off, business is traditionally slower and so many people at the stores and most are riding out the year (as they should).  The boys are off playing and old habits of mine surface of me wanting to mess around and relax.  However, there's the very conscious feeling of needing to go out from the cave to hunt, provide, and survive... but the cultural spirit is not there to solicit and market effectively - I feel... so as difficult as it is, I wait patiently.

With the downtime however I can sit quietly, sharpen my sword, check my bags and gear, and sharpen my sword some more.  It's a quiet and stressful time in that spot of mental vulnerability for me... it feels like being in the shadows of life watching the world move, you're in the dark, but not like deep in a cave.. just enough out of the way to be hidden from the hustle but close enough to be called on if needed.

While I sit and sharpen my sword I can see my reflection looking back at me.  Not direct, but I'm there peripherally.. every now and then my eye catches my eye.  You know you saw yourself.. just like looking at the attractive person across the way... eyes hit, then bounce back, you look away, but you could feel that there was definitely a connection.

As the wet stone glides across nicks and dings I can feel the deflection under my hand sending vibrations to my soul.. With each pass of the hand I can remember, I can feel these moments in time how they felt..  I must have over sharpened that area making the metal a little weaker than planned.. or maybe I was over committing and pushed too hard.  Just above I can see a blemish in the steel the way a motorcycle's exhaust reflects the heat and discoloration, but still has it's form and structure... I was prepared for that moment.  

With every diligent stroke the nicks and discoloration fade away and my reflection becomes clearer.  The focus of self eye contact deepens and the sound of the world dies down.  Just as one stares at the ceiling before bed, the hustle of the environment fades to black..  In this meditative quiet state I can recall a poem my good friend had a his desk inside our work trailer...

The Man in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,

and the world makes you king for a day,

then go to the mirror and look at yourself, and see what that man has to say.

For it isn’t a man’s father, mother or wife,

whose judgement upon him must pass,

the fellow whose verdict counts most in life,

is the man staring back from the glass.

He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,

for he’s with you clear to the end,

and you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test,

if the man in the glass is your friend.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

and get pats on the back as you pass,

but the final reward will be heartache and tears,

if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.  

Dale Wimbrow, 1934

At the end of every year I close out and wrap up my personal and business finance spreadsheets and prepare for the next year.  Since 2010 I have named it something different as a brand for the year or a quiet quip of motivation.  

In 2010 it was "Debt Free".. we.. I mean, I, had terrible finance habits... 

In 2014, things were ironed out, progress could be felt, "Onward & Upward" was the pull... 

As I made the decision to go to real estate and leave a career I loved,  2015 was "Ever Forward"... my license plate today is still EVRFWRD

In 2016 I wanted nothing more than to quit and go back to my old life... "Don't Stop" was the mission and I've mustered on since... 

Personally, I know I've got a good heart, solid work ethic when I can use it, and a shit load of ideas... BUT! one thing I feel I need to be better, have to be better is "Having the Discipline"

Have the discipline to _______.

Have the discipline to NOT _______.

The man in the glass is telling me this and I can feel how serious it is.

Over the years my need to write down goals have minimized greatly.. which is a lack of self discipline... that being said however, I know how extremely powerful having an accountability partner is.  

As I close on my final thoughts for my first grateful email of 2019, my goal for the year is to "Have the discipline ______________________."

Next year I will share with you either the success or failure of that goal based on the measurable's I've set forth.

I hope this week's grateful perspective on life can drum up some self reflection for you... Should you need a good friend to share and be vulnerable with... we are a safe place.  Should you need an accountability partner, Chas or myself are always here and would be grateful to be that for you... just let us know how we can help.

Until next week friend, I leave you a visual for self reflection :)

Have a grateful Friday :) and a joyful weekend

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